A whole lot of crap
Today, so far, it hasn't been anywhere near good. Got screwed by a partnering entity, got belittled and scolded by two of my bosses, got so many problems at work and personally, got problems at home. I am officially TIRED. I want out of this.
I was at my lowest on Monday, where I did something so wrong, just to survive. NEVER in my younger days would thought that I will stoop to this level.
I have less than the basic to survive now. I do not know what I should do or need to do.
I'm really unsure why, but I feel so gloomy today. You just don't feel like doing anything. Not sure if it's because of work, or it's because I've been waking up at 5 am daily. I tried to surrender everything to the Lord, but I feel so distance. It's time like this that I feel like lying in bed, cuddling myself to sleep.
Sadness? Depression? Might have something to do with my finances. I want to close my eyes to reality here on earth, yet I feel that I will let so many down. I'm not sure what to think, what to feel anymore.
I blame myself for not being able to provide.. not being able to do the basic necessity for my love ones. The burden I carry is so heavy and tiresome. Where is the Lord? Why have you forsaken me.
Something to rant about
WOW. I didn't know I still have a blog. Reading through past entries makes me feel old. The carefree life I had in the past.
So many things happened since my last post, I don't think blogging is now an "in-thing" per say, it is however still a diary, my story. Looking back, I did make some bad decisions, and still living to regret it. But, praise God, I'm still alive.
Compare Compare Compare. Comparison with your peers to see who has the better life, the better car, the better house. Trust you me, it's a competition you want to forgo. So true, that Godliness with contentment is great bliss. I've learnt to realise that, while wealth shouldn't be a priority, in Singapore however, without it will make you REDUNDANT. Family, friends and almost everyone else see the networth you have, before deciding on how should they treat you. It is a very extremely realistic and unloving world. Oh, and I owe so much money to so many people. Sometimes I really would want the easy way out by ending everything, but guess my time is not up.
I love my wife. And no, everything is not hunky-dory. With the both of us having totally different character, it makes living hard. The only resolution? Well, God would be the perfect answer. Somehow I feel that having money would resolve it too. Not that I don't love God, I love Him to the max! Without Him, there's no point for me living anymore. What I'm trying to say is, make sure you find someone after God's own heart. I admire how Lynn stayed with Ps Peter. Oh I'm very certain that they are going to be rulers in the next life when Jesus rules.
The place where many hypocrites gather. Hypocrites like myself. It is only by His grace and mercy, that we're still here. Some have fell, some who fell seems like it is impossible for them to get up, some have fallen asleep, and then, there's me - a coward, a thieve, a liar and a sinner. I do not dare to do anything, I'm the worst.
I've been having it for sometime now. It mostly attributes to my finances, and the way I manage it. Still trying to clear my past mistakes, things are getting worst only because of the lies I had to say in order to cover the past lies. Seriously, it is a chain-cycle. What I can do now? I'm really doing everything I can to prevent it. The last Sunday, when I was about to throw in the towel, God delivered a message through Ps Yang, titled - Perseverance. Oh how I needed it. The only way to survive, is to be thick-skinned it seems. I've been pestering my Almighty since, and I really hope, that a miracle would happen soon. AMEN, please Amen.
If you know me, and you happened to read this post, this is not meant for you. I am just going to leave it here since the blogosphere is a dying industry and now everyone FB or INSTA. Pray with me instead. I need a whole Container (those in the sea type) of it.
Isn't life all about irony.
One's thing different from the other, yet we're supposed to conform to the other because there can be only one that is correct. And this way of thinking comes from the one who think he is different from the other. And when becoming the other, than you will think that being different is the real correct.
Was a student in a neighborhood school in both my primary and secondary school days, and it wasn't long before I entered my Poly life. 3 quick years past and I was given the responsibility to protect my land. Later I found myself working. A year past.
I realized I wasn't who I was previously. No longer was I the guy who cared less about my appearance, no longer was I who didn't had a goal or a purpose. Neither was I still a dreamer who did nothing about his dreams. I learned a new module in life, but I was far from getting good results in this subject call responsibilities.
This isn't something I can do just by memorizing, studying hard or practicing. This is linked to another new subject I learned in the class of life, called self discipline. I have a few close friends, and most of them are doing well so to speak. With some having distinction, others having scored straight "A"s for them. I envy.
I can only vow and hope again, that this time round, I can prove all wrong, including myself, that I do have some worth by scoring well, and leaving people speechless and proud. All I hope, is that when I reach such a state, I do not think that actually, previously I was correct in all that I've done before being a changed person in a changed circumstances.
Lost was the past, now is the present, hope is the future.
Why this prank? Why must those that have the heart for others really suffer? I seriously don't understand and cannot fathom it.
Can we still meet the needs of people or members when we as leaders needs are not met?
Why must the good-hearted be hurt?
God be judge.
I've got so many QN up my head recently.. QN like Why things have to look like this? Why are things the way they are? Why why why why why? Why is the world round? (obviously i didnt think of the last QN..... =_=)
Duno lahs. EMO liaos.. haha.. but I think I'm at the age whr i start to reflect on life, think about life, eat life... slp life.. haha.. crap k.. haha.. but im really starting to think about things.. im gettin alittle complicated.. haha.. can i dont grow up ?
haha.. oh well... life stiu hafta moooooove on! work.. so slp
what will you do when u're just feeling AWFUL.
let me tell u 5 ways to make ur day as awesome as mine.
1) A - addicted to water. Drink cold water! Drink tons and tons of it. Why will it help? It will wash away all your dirty/harmful/unwanted substance in ur body! and u will feel.... much lighter (only after u pee for the next 12 days non-stop continuously!)
2) W - Wee Wee. PEE! PEE is the only way for a AWESOME sensation after that huge drinking of pure nice cold water! As stated, u must @ least try to PEE for 12 days continuously.. reason being.. there are 12 months in a year. <-- as define by ALL the calanders in the world. Dont believe u count the months la.
3) F - FORK! use fork to eat! even if ure drinking soup, eating anything soup base, drinking slurpee or mr.softee, use fork to CONSUME them!
4) U - Underworld. If ure not into underworld, might i suggest u write the word "world" and look under it! u will have wisdom if u can see it.
5) L - Lose! i hereby challenge u... to lose all your hair to MSG! eat 12 meals of maggie mee! put 3 X MSG packet. and u are on ur way to losing all ur HAIR! whahahahs!
P/S - please reads what my blog title says before following my unusual habits of turning an AWFUL day to an AWESOME day. =)